The large, wooden sign bolted to the wall above Gretchen’s office door read, “Don’t believe everything you think.” Clearly, a normal, printed sign would not have truly conveyed the gravity of this message. The engraved, hardwood sign commanded a certain regality, a permanence, and its placement above her door harkened of Dante’s sign at the entrance to Hell, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” This is not a fair comparison, but it’s how I felt as I reluctantly arrived for my first therapy session with Dr. Gretchen, PhD.
The psychological domain of resiliency is by far the most difficult for veterans, and for our citizens in general. Historically, military culture does not promote help seeking behaviors and fosters a “suck it up and drive on,” mentality, which is directly contrary to the seeking and accepting of treatment for behavioral health issues. Recent programs over the past ten years have helped change this trend when the military finally addressed its soaring rates of suicidal ideation and high risk behaviors. Americans in general, do not readily accept the value of behavioral health treatment and demonstrate prejudices against those who seek treatment for disorders and other problems.
At the time frame that I began to meet with Dr. Gretchen to “do the work” on the post deployment dumpster fire of my life, my candidacy for senior service assignments, security clearances and fitness for command could all have been directly jeopardized merely by my seeking her counsel. For example, in renewing a Top Secret security clearance, the candidate had to declare any and all attempts to seek mental health treatment (the now defunct Question 21 of the SF 86 form).
It was therefore, with great trepidation that I arrived at my first session with Gretchen. It was desperation alone that brought me to her door, and the help of a Lieutenant Colonel Army Nurse who attentively watched me going under for the third time and persuaded me to go.
My counseling relationship with Gretchen was without question both life saving and life changing. In the clinical environment, she helped me understand WHY I was feeling the way I was and more importantly, WHAT strategies to employ WHEN I felt that way. It was a tremendous comfort to truly understand the plethora of complexities that she white boarded for me on topics such as sympathetic and para sympathetic nervous system responses, triggers, PTSD, TBI, anxiety and depression. She helped me to realize that I wasn’t going crazy and to….wait for it…..not to “believe everything I was thinking.”
Veterans, in general, take great offense to the very notion that we should not trust the same instincts that have guided and kept us safe in dire circumstances throughout our careers. The mere suggestion that we may not have an accurate perception of our environment or a situation is greatly upsetting to veterans. Yet, when thrust into unfamiliar terrain and “adventure learning” is underway, the departure from the environments and paradigms that we have mastered through our military service can erode self-confidence, esteem and our ability to demonstrate psychological resilience.
Now, apply this factor to retiring/separating veterans who have recently been stripped of their military identity, culture, service environments, colleagues, purposes and all the other aspects that build and sustain their professional lives. The cultural lifestyle blending of the professional and personal lives of service members further invades the traditional safe places for veterans and their families. It leaves our veterans adrift in a sea of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and places a tremendous strain on their psychological wellness.
The understanding and strategies I gleaned from my often tearful conversations with Gretchen, have been very applicable in my post retirement life and behavioral health. I have continued my counseling regiment through the VA, which has been helpful when I am feeling overwhelmed. My volunteering at their behavioral health ward and teaching fly tying classes through Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing and The Travis Mills Foundation has allowed me to continue my life of service, while being surrounded by fellow veterans.
It was very important for me to work hard on expanding my personal identity beyond my military service through my roles as a father, husband, guide, teacher, volunteer and business leader. This diversification of activities has helped build my esteem beyond Colonel Jack has been instrumental in bolstering my psychological health and the other domains of resiliency also. While I cherish the memories, and sacrifices of my service, I have fully turned my efforts and mindfulness to my life after my military service. It is healthy to do so in maintaining both perspective and proportion of our service as a segment of our lives and our persons.
I loved the military because I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself, but also wanted myself to be bigger than my military service. The latter has been the most difficult aspect of leaving The Army, which I loved so dearly. It takes practice and patience in searching for and embracing endeavors that bring the same satisfaction and joy as military service. In doing so, you will realize also that these same activities come with some pretty remarkable people to serve as colleagues and friends.
In closing, be kind and patient with yourselves. Demonstrate help seeking behavior when you need it. Remember that you are more than your identity as a service member and to dedicate yourselves to the passions that bring you joy and satisfaction. Lastly, surround yourself with positive, uplifting people that contribute to an optimistic world view. Do not diminish or marginalize the psychological challenge of this major transition and tackle it with the same resolve as any other challenge you have overcome.
Our next entry will address the emotional aspect of retirement and how to regulate the powerful feelings that come with this transition.
God bless you,
Your brother,
Jack
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